“I’ve been feeling so alone.”
It is something I often hear from people who are still sharing a home, raising children and managing everyday life with their partner.
You may talk every day, yet feel that the things that matter most are not getting through. Attempts to explain your loneliness turn into arguments, practical solutions or silence. Over time, you may stop trying to say it.
In couples counselling, I help you make room for a different conversation—one where you can express what you have been carrying and begin to understand what your partner has been experiencing too.
I’m Cassandra Chiu, a Registered Counsellor with over 15 years’ experience supporting couples. In my marriage and relationship counselling practice, I use the Gottman Method as my main framework for helping partners understand recurring patterns, work through difficult conversations and rebuild connection.
What is the Gottman Method?
The Gottman Method is an approach to couples therapy developed by Drs John and Julie Gottman. It combines relationship assessment with practical interventions to strengthen friendship, manage conflict and build shared meaning.
In my practice, this means looking at both what is troubling you and how you respond to each other when things become difficult. We also pay attention to the strengths and connection you can build on.
The work gives us a way to understand your relationship and practise changes that matter beyond the counselling room.
Explore how counselling helps when you keep having the same argument.
If you are working through betrayal, read more about rebuilding trust after an affair.
You can read more about the approach on the Gottman Institute’s website.
Understand how your words are reaching each other
Sometimes, what you mean to communicate and what your partner hears are very different.
You may be trying to say, “I feel alone and I need more support,” but it comes out as, “You only ever think about yourself.”
Your partner hears an attack and begins defending themselves. Your loneliness gets lost in another argument.
I often use Gottman’s Four Horsemen to help couples recognise patterns appearing in their conversations:
- Criticism: attacking your partner’s character rather than describing a specific concern.
- Contempt: communicating superiority or disrespect, perhaps through mockery, insults or sneering.
- Defensiveness: protecting yourself from a perceived attack in a way that dismisses the concern or shifts responsibility.
- Stonewalling: withdrawing or shutting down during an interaction, sometimes when feeling overwhelmed.
We look at how words, tone and responses are coming across, including habits you may not notice yourselves.
These ideas give us language for understanding a pattern. They are not labels to throw at each other during the next disagreement.
Together, we find a clearer way to express what matters and a more useful way to respond.
Practise speaking and listening differently
Recognising a pattern is a starting point. In sessions, we also practise a different conversation.
I may guide you through a speaker–listener exercise, giving one partner space to share while the other listens and reflects back what they have understood before responding.
This helps us notice where meaning gets lost, where assumptions enter the conversation and what needs to be clarified.
We can work with a recent disagreement rather than staying with general advice. You have an opportunity to put a difficult feeling into words while your partner practises staying with what you are saying, even when they see the situation differently.
Understanding your partner’s experience does not require you to agree with every interpretation. It helps you respond to what they are actually trying to communicate.
Rebuild the friendship beneath everyday responsibilities
When life is demanding, your relationship can become a shared calendar.
Who is collecting the children? Has the bill been paid? What time will you be home?
Those conversations keep life running. They can also leave little room for knowing how your partner is really doing.
Gottman’s approach includes strengthening friendship, appreciation and everyday connection. We explore the pressures, hopes and concerns each of you is carrying, and the small moments when you reach for each other’s attention.
Feeling closer may begin with listening differently, acknowledging an effort or making room for something you enjoy together.
We look for changes that fit your lives, so connection has a place in an ordinary week.
Work through conflict without losing each other
A stronger relationship does not require you to agree on everything.
You may have lasting differences in how you approach money, family, affection or time alone. Our work includes understanding those differences and finding ways to discuss them without repeatedly hurting each other.
Depending on what happens between you, we may practise:
- Raising a concern clearly and specifically.
- Listening before preparing your defence.
- Recognising when either of you is too overwhelmed to continue productively.
- Taking a pause and agreeing when to return to the conversation.
- Repairing an exchange that has gone badly.
- Making agreements that you can realistically follow through.
The aim is to help difficult conversations lead somewhere useful, including when your views remain different.
What happens in your first appointment?
Your initial appointment gives us up to 90 minutes to understand what has been happening and begin working together.
We explore your concerns, what you have already tried and what you hope will change. As time allows, we also begin working on a specific difficulty—perhaps slowing down a tense exchange, helping you express something that has been hard to say or finding a practical way to ease some of the pressure.
You do not need to prepare a joint explanation of the problem or decide who will speak first. I will guide the conversation and help us identify a useful starting point.
Follow-up sessions build on those priorities. We practise changes, discuss what happens between appointments and review what is helping.
Where individual meetings form part of couples counselling, I explain their purpose and confidentiality arrangements beforehand. Separate individual counselling remains a distinct stream of work.
Notice the quieter signs of progress
One of the first changes I notice is often quiet reflection.
A partner hears something important and pauses. Rather than immediately explaining, defending themselves or offering a solution, they take a moment to consider what has been shared.
That pause does not resolve everything. But it can mark a change in the conversation: there is room for understanding before the familiar response takes over.
We build on those moments, helping reflection become a different response and changes you can carry into everyday life together.
Progress may also show up in recovering more quickly after a disagreement, following through on an agreement or feeling able to raise a concern that you previously avoided.
Is this suitable for unmarried or same-sex couples?
I welcome married and unmarried couples, including gay and lesbian couples.
You may be dating, living together, preparing for marriage or navigating a long-established relationship. We begin with your relationship, your concerns and what you would like help with.
Appointments are available at my Rocca Balestier practice and online. Partners can also join an online appointment from separate locations, subject to suitable arrangements.
Read more about online couples counselling.
What if my partner is reluctant?
Your partner may worry about being blamed, feel uncomfortable discussing private matters or be unsure how counselling could help.
It can be useful to make the invitation specific:
“I would like us to get help with how we argue.”
Or:
“I miss feeling close to you, and I would like us to work on it.”
If your partner is not ready to attend, you can seek individual counselling to understand your experience, clarify your needs and consider your next steps. Attending alone does not make you responsible for repairing the relationship by yourself.
Where there is abuse, coercive control or fear of a partner, safety takes priority. Please let me know before arranging a joint appointment so we can consider an appropriate starting point.
How many sessions will we need?
The number and spacing of appointments depend on your concerns, goals and progress.
Some useful changes may begin early. Longstanding conflict or damaged trust may need more sustained work.
We review what is improving, what remains difficult and whether to continue, space out appointments or bring our work to a close. You will have opportunities to discuss whether the sessions are addressing what matters to you.
My training and approach
I am a Registered Counsellor with the Singapore Association for Counselling and have completed Gottman Method Couples Therapy Level 1 and Level 2 training.
I am also a Master Solution-Focused Practitioner. Alongside Gottman, I draw on Solution-Focused Brief Therapy and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy where helpful.
My approach is warm, direct and practical. I help you understand what is keeping you stuck and work on changes that matter to your relationship.
Read more about my background and qualifications.
Make time for your relationship
You do not need to wait until the next argument or until you have run out of things to say.
You may want to feel closer again, work through a difficult period or understand what needs to change. We can begin there.
The initial appointment is S$400 for up to 90 minutes. Follow-ups are S$250 per one-hour appointment block, including approximately 50 minutes of counselling. No GST is charged. The first hour is charged in full. Any additional time is agreed beforehand and charged in 15-minute increments at S$62.50 per increment.
View counselling fees and packages, or contact me about an appointment.
Meet Our Counsellor
Cassandra Chiu
Marriage and Relationship Counsellor
Registered Counsellor with the Singapore Association for Counselling
Cassandra Chiu is a Registered Counsellor with the Singapore Association for Counselling, with over 15 years’ experience supporting individuals and couples. She holds a Master of Social Science in Professional Counselling from Swinburne University of Technology, is a Master Solution-Focused Practitioner and a Certified Solution Focused Practitioner in Therapy, and has completed Gottman Method Couples Therapy Level 1 and Level 2 training. Her approach is warm, direct and purposeful, with clear goals and progress reviewed together. Read more about Cassandra’s background and approach.
