“Things aren’t bad all the time. Perhaps we should try a little longer.”
You may have thought this after another difficult evening. Then you have a good weekend, enjoy each other’s company and wonder whether counselling is really necessary.
Then the same issue comes up, and you realise the good weekend gave you some relief without resolving what has been troubling you.
You do not have to wait until you are considering separation to start marriage counselling. It can be useful when a concern keeps returning, your attempts to address it are not helping or you want support through an important change.
I’m Cassandra Chiu, a Registered Counsellor with over 15 years’ experience supporting couples. I help you understand what needs attention and begin working on it—even when you are unsure how to explain it or your partner sees things differently.
How do we know whether to keep trying ourselves or seek help?
Some disagreements become easier once you have rested, talked them through or made a practical adjustment.
You may have explained the concern clearly and heard a sincere promise to change. What makes you consider counselling is that, despite those conversations, everyday life keeps returning to the same place. We can look at what happens between the agreement and the moment it falls apart.
You do not need to exhaust every possible solution before seeking support.
In my marriage and relationship counselling practice, we can work with a recent example and explore where your own efforts have been getting stuck. That gives us a starting point grounded in your relationship.
What if we still have plenty of good days?
Good days matter. You can enjoy each other, share affection and still have something important that needs attention.
Perhaps you get along until money comes up. Family visits repeatedly leave one of you upset. Or you feel close on holiday but struggle to maintain that connection during an ordinary working week.
In counselling, we look at both the difficulty and what still works between you. The warmth you share gives us something to understand and build on.
You do not need to describe your whole relationship as unhappy to ask for help with part of it.
When the same conversation keeps going nowhere
You may have discussed a concern many times without feeling any closer to resolving it.
One partner explains their intentions. The other tries again to describe the impact. Both leave feeling that the important part was missed.
In sessions, I help slow down that exchange. We clarify what each person is trying to communicate, what the other is hearing and what still needs a response.
We also look at whether the concern requires action. If an agreement keeps being broken, clearer communication alone will leave part of the problem untouched.
Do we need to wait until life is less busy?
You may be telling yourselves that you will work on the relationship after a demanding project, a move or a difficult period with the children. Sometimes another responsibility takes its place.
Counselling can give you dedicated time to address what keeps being postponed. We consider your real circumstances, including what each of you is carrying and which changes are manageable now.
You can also seek support before a major change, such as marriage, becoming parents, moving countries or taking on greater caregiving responsibilities.
You might have different expectations about money, family involvement, work or how you will share responsibilities. I help you discuss what matters, identify where assumptions differ and work towards agreements you both understand.
You do not need an empty calendar before your relationship can receive some attention.
What if we argue less but feel further apart?
You may have stopped raising certain concerns. Daily life continues, but you share less of what you feel. This quieter distance can also be a reason to seek help. We can begin with one moment when you wanted connection and did not know how to find it.
Read more about feeling distant or lonely in your relationship.
What if only one of us thinks we need counselling?
You do not need identical views of the relationship before coming.
Your partner may feel things are generally fine while you feel increasingly unheard. They may worry about being blamed, discussing private matters or paying for conversations that go nowhere.
Rather than trying to prove that counselling is necessary, you could describe what you hope to improve:
“I miss how easy it used to feel between us. I’d like us to get some help with that.”
Or:
“We keep trying to sort this out, but it still leaves us both frustrated. I’d like us to try a different way.”
In a session, I help each of you explain your position. We explore what would make the appointment useful, including the concerns of the partner who feels less certain about attending.
If your partner is not ready, you can seek individual counselling for your own support. That does not make you responsible for changing the relationship by yourself.
Is it too late if we are considering separation?
You can seek counselling while you are uncertain about the future.
One partner may want to rebuild while the other is unsure. We begin by understanding those differences and what each of you wants from the work.
Attending an appointment does not commit you to staying together. If you choose to work towards repair, we clarify what that would involve. If you decide to separate, we can discuss how to approach the next steps more thoughtfully.
The decision about your relationship remains yours.
Where an affair or another betrayal is central to what has happened, read more about counselling after an affair.
How does working with me help you begin?
You may arrive with a long history and very different accounts of it. I help us find a useful place to start without asking you to settle the disagreement first.
We look at what is happening now, what you have already tried and what each person hopes will change. During difficult exchanges, I help clarify what is being missed and guide the conversation so we can work with the concern.
My approach is warm, direct and practical. I use the Gottman Method as my main framework for couples work, supported by Solution-Focused Brief Therapy and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy where helpful.
Together, we identify priorities and review whether changes are carrying into your everyday life.
Read more about my approach to Gottman Method couples counselling.
What happens in the first appointment?
Your initial appointment gives us up to 90 minutes to understand what has been happening between you and begin working together.
We explore your concerns, what you have already tried and what you hope will change. As time allows, we also begin working on a specific difficulty—perhaps slowing down a tense conversation, helping you express something that has been hard to say or finding a practical way to ease some of the pressure between you.
You will work directly with me throughout your counselling. I give both partners space to be heard while keeping responsibility for each person’s behaviour clear.
Where individual meetings form part of couples counselling, I explain their purpose and confidentiality arrangements beforehand. Those meetings remain part of the couples work and are distinct from separate individual counselling.
When a different starting point is needed
If there is abuse, coercive control or fear of a partner, safety takes priority. Please let me know before arranging a joint appointment so we can consider appropriate support. You do not need to confront a partner or disclose something jointly if doing so could put you at risk.
Where significant mental health difficulties or addiction are affecting the relationship, we also consider whether additional treatment or specialist support is needed alongside couples counselling.
The starting point should fit what is happening in your life.
You can start before you know exactly what comes next
You do not need to convince yourself that things are bad enough. If something important keeps being left unresolved, we can give it time and attention together.
I welcome married and unmarried couples, including gay and lesbian couples. Appointments are available at my Rocca Balestier practice in Singapore and through online couples counselling.
The initial appointment is S$400 for up to 90 minutes. Follow-ups are S$250 per one-hour appointment block, including approximately 50 minutes of counselling. No GST is charged. The first hour is charged in full. Any additional time is agreed beforehand and charged in 15-minute increments at S$62.50 per increment.
View counselling fees and packages, or contact me about a counselling appointment.
Client experiences
“I first saw Cassandra with recommendation from my brother-in-law who had seen her previously for his set of problems. Cassandra has been really professional, thoughtful and empathetic in helping me manage my marital issues and my personal mental well-being. My sessions with her always helped me get more clarity and provided me some guidance in what my next steps should be. I encourage anyone with any set of problems to have Cassandra as their go-to person because she is that beacon of light and voice of reason when you are at your darkest and lowest point in your life. Thank you, Cassandra, for making me see hope when I thought all is lost.“
“At first I was skeptical that going to a counsellor would solve the problems in my relationship but because of the hard times we were going through I decided to give it a try. Throughout several joint sessions Cassandra gave us – in a very professional and caring way – a different mindset and view on how our partner feels and reacts and she taught us concrete techniques to deal with conflict. I can easily say that I wouldn’t be in a happy relationship now if it wasn’t for her counselling.”
About Cassandra Chiu
Cassandra Chiu is a Registered Counsellor with the Singapore Association for Counselling, with over 15 years’ experience supporting individuals and couples. She holds a Master of Social Science in Professional Counselling from Swinburne University of Technology, is a Master Solution-Focused Practitioner and a Certified Solution Focused Practitioner in Therapy, and has completed Gottman Method Couples Therapy Level 1 and Level 2 training. Her approach is warm, direct and purposeful, with clear goals and progress reviewed together. Read more about Cassandra’s background and approach.
